24 weeks.

today i roll over to 24 weeks. i cannot believe how fast all of this is going. i know, i know... the third trimester will probably drag on. in the mean time, we're just having trouble wrapping our heads around the fact that we're going to be parents really soon! we have so much to do it is ridiculous and between my back problems and not being allowed to do anything and steve's intense job search and craziness at the peanut and the holidays we are getting no where fast.

we hit a fun milestone yesterday that i wanted to share before i head to the grocery store. are you ready? steve officially felt the nugget kicking! i've been feeling him for weeks but steve finally got to experience his moves yesterday. he is now more convinced then ever that we have a little NFL punter in training.

adjustments.

the pregnancy is moving along just fine. i'm nearing the end of my 22nd week and starting to feel the nugget move around a little more. i'm looking pregnant - very pregnant in my opinion- maybe not as pregnant as i should look in some other peoples opinions.

the biggest struggle for me right now is that my body is just plain out of whack. in early november i tripped and jarred my back... the pain got worse and worse and last week my midwife suggested that my pelvis may be out of alignment. she referred me to a chiropractor and i got over my fear and went. i've now been 4 times and am going again tomorrow. the chiropractor is great - i completely trust her. she has confirmed my pelvis is out of alignment and she is working hard to get it where it needs to be. the problem is, it just keeps moving around! i've learned the right side of my body is much shorter than the left side. she's doing all kinds of stretches to try and get me straightened out. the biggest pain factor, though, is probably the swollen disc in my back. she believes i may have had these problems for some time and the pregnancy and the tripping last month may have just aggravated everything to the point i couldn't ignore it anymore.

i'm currently at home on her orders - out of work today and tomorrow and resting through the weekend. i'm not able to sit for more than a few minutes at a time so mostly just laying down and watching tv or reading. while it sucks using up my paid time off now while i'd rather save it for maternity leave, this is a welcome break and if it works and i start feeling better it will all be worth it!

it's a boy!

we had a sonogram today at 18.5 weeks and the nugget is most definitely a boy!

keep moving.

it is somehow surprising in the midst of all of the sadness surrounding my friends right now and the absolute shock we're all feeling about the entire situation that the rest of the world doesn't stop. i remember feeling this way a lot during the past 2 years when it seems that a lot of tragedy has crept into the lives of people i love.

it is hard to remember to keep moving but it is so necessary.

for instance, i am continuing to grow a tiny human. there is no stopping him/her.  i've started to feel a flip and a flop every now and then.  last week when my midwife located the heartbeat it sounded especially strong. i could hear splashing and kicking or flopping or whatever it is at this stage of the game. and even more amazing, we get to find out if this little nugget is a he or a she in just a few days.

i have always wanted to be a mom... for as long as i can remember. i have dreamed of having kids. now that is is actually happening i am still having a hard time believing it.

sadness and disbelief.

i hate to follow up such good news with bad news but it has to be done.  i've written several times about my friends and their battle to keep their daughter.  i'm so sad to say that the supreme court failed miserably on friday and overturned the lower courts decisions... matt & molly are not going to be able to continue to parent wavy. harper isn't going to know her little sister. this news is devastating.

i'm including a post from them so you can read their own words.  (*if you'd like a link to the blog, please let me know and i'll pass it along. i don't link to it publicly due to their privacy requests throughout all of this but am happy to share it with those i know and trust.  the more people praying for them and knowing their story the better.)

This is the post I've been hoping for 2 years to never have to write. I'd rehearsed it and planned it over and over in my head so many times praying I'd never have to write the words, but here it goes. Yesterday morning the Kanas Supreme Court handed down their decision in our adoption case with Waverley, and it was not good. They have reversed both the Court of Appeals ruling as well as the District Court's ruling. I had to read it over and over again thinking surely I read it wrong and even though I new I hadn't, it still took a call from our attorney before I realized what had happened. The bottom line is that in a couple of weeks we will lose our daughter, Waverley. There are very few, if any options left for us to change this ruling and even pursuing an appeal to the US Supreme Court will not change the fact that Waverley will be taken from us in a very short time. Right now, as you can imagine, we are in a state of shock. Although we've known all long, for 2 years, that this was a possibility it seemed less and less likely as time went on. To think that our family will go from 4 to 3 is just not something we're able to wrap our minds around. It seems so impossible. Yet, there is a growing realization that our time together is now limited. These are some of the last times we will hold her. Some of the last times we will here her say her funny phrases. Some of the last times we will hear her laugh, and cry. Some of the last times we will see her and Harper playing and laughing together...and it's starting to sink in along with the realization that our future looks very, very different then we thought it would.

There's a realization as we spend these times together as a family that we are getting ready to enter a really dark and painful place that will be dark and painful for quite some time and I feel like we are getting dragged there against our will, kicking and screaming - on the inside at least. With all of this, I still feel a sense of thankfulness. We have amazing friends and family that we know will walk through this with us. That will carry us, support us, pray for us, hold us, and make sure that we find the other side of this one day. We also do still maintain that while we don't understand why things are unfolding like this God is still sovereign and loving and will sustain us through this as well. I'm not sure how you make it through things like this without that part of yourself, that faith and knowing that He does restore and redeem even from the darkest place and injustice.

We've got quite a bit more to say about this situation, about faith, about adoption, about many things, but for now this is about all we can write. Hopefully, we're able to share more on this blog as time goes on, but we're not making any promises. There's quite an unknown ahead of us and we're not sure what the coming weeks will look like.

We know so many of you have been praying fervently for us during the last 2 years. Many of you have prayed with us and cried with us and supported is in so many ways. Right now, selfishly we would ask for your prayers once again. I have a sinking feeling that the struggle and pain of the last 2 years are going to pale in comparison to the weeks and months that lie ahead of us. So, we desperately ask for your prayers. First and foremost, please pray for our girls. This will unquestionably be the hardest on them. Without going into detail, I'm sure you can begin to imagine what it will be like for Wavy as she gets pulled from the only home she's ever known and enters a home that will be very different - most noticeably the fact that she won't have a mother - and she has an amazing one right now.  Please pray for her that her transition will be smooth, that she will be safe and that she will be loved.  There's a multitude of other prayers you can pray for her, but those are a few. Please pray for Harper. As hard as this will be for Molly and I, at least we know what's going on. I'm not sure what this will be like for a 4 year olds heart and mind. Pray that God will protect her and shield her from as much of this as possible, pray that he will give her understanding beyond her years. Pray that she will be able to express her feelings to us in ways that we can understand, and pray that she will feel safe and secure and know that she will always be with us.  Pray also that we can find some excellent counsel that will help her and help Molly and I help her. Please pray for Molly and I as well. Pray that we will cling to each other and support each other especially in the coming weeks and months. Pray that we will be good parents to Harper - that we are patient, kind, and understanding of her and pray especially hard over the next several days and weeks. I wish I could tell you I knew what the plan was and how this was all going to go down, but we know very little other than it will all happen in less than 30 days as ordered by the court. We will try keep people updated through this blog as we're able to, but please, please keep us in your prayers.

I so wish I could have written a different post. We so desperately wanted to share that God had answered our prayers as we had asked them too and that we would be throwing a big party. I so wish that. Thank you everyone for everything you've done for us and all the ways you've walked along side us these last 2 years. There are a few things that I will sweetly remember about this journey and that is definitely one of them.

Love,

Matt & Molly

one more thing

i know it is old news by now that i lack blogging consistency skills... i do feel like i have a pretty good excuse for why i've been laying low and i am ready to share. i'm thrilled to announce the good news to the handful of you that read the blog that may not have heard already.... ready?

we're expecting a teeny tiny creature to join our family and i've been working hard to grow said creature. that's right. baby mcclernon is due to arrive in early april.  i'm pleased to say that so far everything with the little chicken nugget has been going smoothly. the initial sonogram pic may show up here eventually but i've yet to scan it in... for now i'll leave you with a picture of my sisters modeling the gifts i gave them when i told them the news last month.

one year later

it is hard to believe that our first anniversary is fast approaching. on sunday we'll have been married for one year. in some ways, it seems like ages ago that we were planning and prepping and readying ourselves for this huge step in our relationship but in other ways it seems like this year went incredibly fast. it is hard to remember what life was like before stephen showed up. he is quite simply my other half and i am grateful for all of the joy and laughter he brings me. he has a great heart and i love that i get to share it.  earlier this month we went to st.louis for my cousin's wedding (see photo above) and i felt like i delivered the life of the party.  while stephen has been around my family several times now, they got to see him in his element. dancing. i am not a person who finds dancing to be enjoyable but my husband can't help himself. he entertained the masses with his magic smile and goofy moves. and, unlike our own wedding reception last year, this time he kept his shirt on while on the dance floor. thank goodness. happy anniversary to us! 

ask and ye shall receive?

in august i posted about missing certain college friends who i'd experienced winfiled, ks with... days later i was contacted by one of them! sandi, an old friend and roommate who now lives in brazil with kevin (one of rhodie's dads) and their daughter wrote to tell me they were going to be in kansas visiting family and would be driving through kc to iowa.  they were kind enough to invite me to meet them at starbucks for a quick visit. it was as if no time passed - just completely natural to be hanging out with such great people.  i stole this pic from sandi's blog as i didn't have my camera with me that day.

USCA

i just returned from spending 4 nights in orlando, fl attending the united states conference on aids.... despite having worked in the field of hiv/aids for the past 6 years, this was my first time attending this particular conference.  it was refreshing to be around people who share similar views and feel that renewed fire to continue the fight for my clients and friends living with the reality of hiv.  was it the greatest conference or training i've every been to? no. certainly not. did i learn anything new? of course.  would i go again? no doubt about it.  best part? by the time my supervisor found the funds to send me, the more affordable of the 2 hotel options was sold out.  that means i ended up at the waldorf astoria. seriously... check those photos. it was the nicest hotel i've ever been to in my life.  they turned down my bed at night and left me chocolates, a robe and fuzzy slippers. it was a really good mini-vacation. now i'm home for few weeks before heading to st.louis for my cousin amy's wedding!

sister trip.

kel and i spent 5 nights with liss in venice beach, ca earlier this month.  it was a great get away.  it had been 4 years since we last did that.  it was good to be together, just us girls. i have a fun story from the trip and a few more pictures to share a later post but for now, here are just a few photos. 

lake vacation number 2

last month steve and i took the doggies and headed to the lake of the ozarks for 4 nights. it was a perfect vacation full of great conversations and planning and relaxing and swimming and a little fishing, though it wasn't that great.  here are a few pics from the trip. ps, if you're looking for a good get away house this one was reasonable... pet friendly (for $10 per pet per night)... super clean and super cute.

traveling fool

in the past few weeks i've been all over the place. to the ozarks for vacation with steve.... to st. louis for my cousin amy's bridal shower.... to venice beach, ca with kel to visit liss... and i'm heading to orlando, fl on saturday for a work conference.  i'm exhausted but having fun. and its especially nice to be away from the office so much! i really needed the break from there... but soon i'll need a vacation from all the traveling!

reminiscing.

tommy emmanuel is on pbs and now i am lost in memories of the walnut valley festival in winfield, ks... camping with friends... hearing new music... rediscovering old music... meeting great people... sunshine... rain... people watching...experiences i'll never forget. for anyone who might read this post who shared these memories with me... just know i'm thinking about you tonight.

happy birthday, monkey face!

my baby dog is officially an old woman. she turns 10 today... or 70 in dog years. i cannot imagine the last decade without her by my side. she has been a constant companion and i am grateful. happy birthday, rhodie!

blue bungalow in manhattan, ks 

2000 

belated vacation pictures

we just planned a last minute vacation to celebrate steve's graduation. i found a nice little house on the lake of the ozarks and we are heading there in a couple of weeks.

our vacation in may to lake hamilton was really nice too and i realized i never posted any pictures so i thought i'd get them up while i had "lake" on my mind.

my husband the graduate.

well... it is finally over! last thursday marked the end of stephen's schooling. my husband is now the proud owner of an MBA.  throughout our entire relationship (5 years next month) he has been in school... first he got his associates, then his bachelors, and now his masters. pretty impressive for 5 years, huh? 

it is time to look for a grown up day job and to learn what it is like to be home during evening and weekends... hopefully we'll still like each other when we start spending so much time together. it is time to say goodbye to the peanut. don't get me wrong, i'm grateful to the peanut for bringing us together... but i'm over it. 

one thing i'm most excited about? i can't wait to finally start exploring more recipes... to know what it is like to have dinner with my husband more than a couple nights a week.... i've been compiling recipes i want to try for years and now finally i won't have any more excuses. 

keep your fingers crossed that he finds a job soon! i don't want to lose my motivation. 

sleepover!

last friday our nieces and nephews invaded our house for the night. anastasia was visiting from atlanta and she gets along so well with addy, savannah, thomas and joseph. they think of each other as cousins and we love that.

there was music and popcorn and movies and play-doh and sidewalk chalk and lightening bugs and on and on and on. needless to say, steve, rhodie, mookie and i took a long nap after they all went home.

here are a few of my favorite pictures of all the fun.

addy

savannah

thomas

joseph

anastasia and steve

fro-yo and honey.

i just had to share one of my favorite combinations of all time... tart frozen yogurt and honey. it is like a dream come true. edy's was my first experience and they have since discontinued the masterpiece, at least in our area. for months i've been without one of my favorite things, but then i came across this recipe and i am once again satisfied. a little honey drizzled on top completes the deliciousness. try it. seriously. you won't be disappointed. 

upside down.

i think i stood still and time went really quickly. i seem to have missed the month of june. suddenly its the (almost) fourth of july. how did that happen?

life in the mcclernon house has been unusually productive. we bought ourselves a new couch - surprisingly, after nearly five years together this was really our first big joint purchase. we'd been living on merged furniture and hand me downs. this purchase set off a whirlwind of giving stuff away to steve's sister and goodwill, selling furniture, trashing things that should have been trashed long ago, shredding, organizing, rearranging... needless to say, we're feeling pretty proud of ourselves.

this house has been transformed from when we first found it... and it is hard to believe steve has been living here since october 2006. for the first year and a half he was here, i was pretty much a house guest. he had a roommate and his roommates girlfriend living here and rhodie and i traveled back and forth from here to my parents' house like vagabonds. when i moved in we started painting and he and his dad put in a new kitchen floor. our work sort of stopped after the engagement and then we were busy with the planning....and he was busy with school... and i was busy with work. and from time to time we start working again.

as i'm laying here on our new comfy couch and looking around, i'm smiling.  we've turned this house inside out and upside down. eventually it will be everything we want it to be, probably right before we're ready to sell.

why?

on saturday i learned about another tragic loss of a child and i can't stop asking why.

last thursday a 4 year old boy was critically injured when an older model TV fell on him when he was climbing on the counter. he was just trying to change out a dvd for him and his brother... a household accident. one minute life is normal and the next, everything falls apart. when i heard about his death i just went into shock and then was overcome with sadness... and of course it stirred up my grief for leah and her family which needed no stirring up. it is still very much at the surface.

i know this child's mother from middle school and high school... we were never great friends or anything, but thanks to facebook, i feel like i know her better. she is one of the most positive people i know, especially on my facebook news feed, and i look forward to her encouraging status updates. even now, she is trying to be positive. she has donated 12 of her son's organs to save other people and wrote that he always wanted to be a super hero, and now he is.

still,  i can't understand why god allows tragic accidents to happen but i try to cling to the idea that everything happens for a reason, that he knows what he is doing... when children are involved, and especially so many lately, i have a much harder time.

in the car, i find myself crying out of nowhere after spending time with my nieces and nephews. i just can't imagine life without them. i am feeling very deeply for my friends who are having to face that reality.

grieving an impossible loss.

i've experienced loss in my life... both in the death of friends/family and in the loss of friendships...and i've grieved.

about 4 years ago, i grieved the loss of a very important friendship with a college roommate. while we were once inseparable and able to finish each others thoughts, shared the same beliefs, and couldn't imagine life with out each other... we found ourselves drifting apart and eventually stopped talking all together.

just last summer, she reached out and we began trying to mend our broken friendship over email. she gave birth to her 3rd child in august and about a week and half later, he passed away suddenly because of an infection. i grieved for this little boy i never knew, who never had a chance to live his life. and i grieved again for my friendship with his mom - feeling incredibly helpless and disconnected from her and having no idea how to be there for her.  i attended her son's memorial service and hugged her and cried with her and that was all i could do. since then, i've reached out over email and tried to be available but i've known she was grieving. the loss of a child is impossible to understand.

even more impossible is that 10 days ago, her four year old passed away suddenly. my heart is breaking for her and her husband. i was unable to attend the memorial service because i was in arkansas but was glad my parents were able to attend. nearly every day i break down and cry and i am angry with god, angry that he has taken both of my friend's little boys from her, leaving her with her 3 year old daughter who now has to grow up with out her brothers.

if i am grieving this much for these little boys i didn't know, for my friend and her husband and their daughter, for their parents, their sisters and their brothers and all of their friends that did know these boys and love these boys.... i cannot begin to imagine the pain all of them must be experiencing.

i cannot imagine surviving such a tremendous loss.

the only thing that gives me peace is that leah is a strong, strong woman. she always has been. she is courageous, brave, and she has an unshakable faith. my prayer for her is that she will continue to cling to that faith... that she won't be afraid to ask god "why" but that she will hold tight to the belief that everything happens for a reason, no matter how impossible that seems. leah, if you are reading this, i love you and i'm here if you need anything, always.

31.

i turned 31 on may 27th. i am officially old. when i turned 30, a lot of friends told me that they enjoyed their thirties more than their twenties so i'm looking forward to this decade. i rang in the birthday on vacation in hot springs, arkansas with stephen. we rented a little house on lake hamilton and spent a week reading, relaxing, fishing, playing games, talking and enjoying the peace and quiet of being away from work. we both needed the break. on my birthday steve made me amazing french toast and brought me flowers. he also brought me some magical anti-itch cream as i had been chewed up the night before and had gigantic bug bites along with some weird rash on my arm. what a good husband. today we celebrated with my parents and kel, allen and the kids at a BBQ at kel's. next on the agenda, i'll be looking forward to cashing in the massage gift certificate from my parents!

the fish turns 2.

on may 7th, my baby nephew joseph turned 2.  it has been crazy watching my sister's kids grow before my eyes. i am lucky that my husband is happy living in kansas city, at least for now, because i can't imagine not living nearby these kiddos. my sister liss still lives in CA and she sees them a few times a year. they love her just as much as they love me and talk about her and i know that if we do ever move to another state, they'll do the same for me..but i just love getting to see their faces as often as i want. they are adorable and i love being their aunt bri-bri.

dollars for wave.

i've shared a little about my dear friend molly's struggle to complete the adoption of her youngest daughter.  the latest is that the supreme court did decide to hear the case. so incredibly disappointing. and maddening. the idea that wavybel has no rights, no voice in all of this mess is so disturbing. our justice system is certainly flawed.

so now we wait for another court date. a court date that determines her future. i feel helpless as i watch molly try to live day to day in normalcy when she can't help but live with the fear of so many "firsts" with wavy also being "lasts." in june wave will be 2 and at this point we don't even know if this whole mess will be wrapped up by her 3rd birthday. my hope and my prayer is that the court date is set quickly and the obvious decision is made quickly. the fact that this case is even being heard after numerous judges have already ruled in their favor is maddening.

i hate watching my friends suffer and being helpless to do anything to ease their fears of losing their little girl. i had to act. on may 2, my friend christie and i pulled off a very successful fund raiser thanks to the generosity of so many. another friend, brian, opened up his restaurant/bar and donated a portion of sales from a special menu to molly & her husband. other area businesses donated door prizes and raffle items. the photo booth company that stephen and i used for our wedding reception donated 3 hours of their time and paper and ink so we could provide a fun activity during the event. we were able to capture all tons of silly pictures and smiles and create a scrapbook for molly and her family... now they can turn the pages and see the faces of their supporters and read their words of encouragement whenever they are feeling scared or overwhelmed. so many people showed to the event to express their support in person and they gave and gave and gave. we raised about $2600 which will make a small dent in the constantly increasing legal expenses.

i am convinced their family is perfectly made and i trust it is going to stay in tact. please continue to believe that and pray that with me. if you would like to donate money to molly and her family, please let me know. you can do so through paypal, cash, or check.

my best friend's wedding

on april 24 my best friend married one of the best girls i've ever met. she is perfect for him in every way. the week leading up to the wedding was so much fun because i've come to love her, too. i spent a night in manhattan with trav and the boys for his bachelor party, then an evening out with jess and the girls for her bachelorette party. steve joined me for the rehearsal dinner where i re-connected with trav's family and old friends who i hadn't seen in years. the day of the wedding i spent looking after trav making sure he didn't get too nervous or too tipsy and had the honor of driving him to the venue in his snazzy wedding duds. i was so excited for him... 6 months from the day steve and i said "i do", my best friend was doing the same. the reception meant lots of celebrating. one of my justins was in town for the wedding and to play a few shows and that was an added bonus. here are just a few photos from the celebration.

bachelor party @ mae's -- trav does a handstand with a little help from some friends.

click on the picture. make it bigger. that's right. that's trav on those undies. a bridal shower/bachelorette party game ordered me to bring some undies for jess and she would have to guess who brought what pair... i made a few for her, but these were a hit. 

done and done! 

mr. and mrs. sumner eat cake.

justin hulsey, me, and travy = best friends forever

with my adorable husband....6 months later.

life on a budget.

stephen and i spent the first few months of our marriage trying to get caught up on bills.... we'd been behind since summer 2009 when he studied aboard, i paid a fortune to have my jetta fixed, and well... life happened. we ended up borrowing from the money our parents had given us for the wedding and reception and when our big day rolled in and balances were due on everything we ended up having to charge quite a few things due to never getting the wedding account re-built. so we welcomed march 2010 and the tax return it brought us along with the successful sale of my old jetta. we finally caught up on our finances - got the credit card back to $0 - and started to lay out a plan for day 1 of the budget we meant to implement when we said "i do." since april 1st, we've been following our budget...and we love it. the key is writing down every thing you spend. leave it to us to be in our early thirties to realize that actually works. it makes you think twice about that venti chai or pitcher of beer or lunch during the work day when you have an allowance you have to make last and you aren't spending blindly. if you aren't already grown up and writing down what you spend and paying attention to where your money is going, i highly recommend it.

the madness of march.

i rediscovered college basketball this past march. the last time i had really paid any attention was when i was dating a basketball lover in 2004. thanks to my friend kelly's march madness fundraiser for the nagels, i tuned in. and i realized k-state was playing...and kicking a little ass. it was so much fun to get in to the games, to cheer for my alma mater, and to celebrate the wins and grieve the losses. i was and still am proud to be a wildcat.

fail.

no excuses. i've simply just neglected the blog. this post starts a series of updates from march, april, and may that should bring you up to basics on my life. it has been a roller coaster of good days and bad days, good news and bad news, life and death...i have questions there are no answers for, but i figure it may be worth a try to  post them here. stay tuned.

WavyBel Ballers - March Madness Fundraiser!

My friend Kelly has come up with a brilliant fundraiser for our friends who are continuing their fight for their baby girl. Right now it is just waiting, waiting and more waiting as the KS supreme court decides if they do or do not want to hear the appeal (made by the birth father). We hope they don't want to hear it so that Matt & Molly can finalize Wave's adoption and their family of four will be recognized as "official" in legal terms. I hope you'll consider this easy way to help ease their financial burden and have a little fun. 

Play for Wave!

Join the WavyBell Ballers Bracket Group!

The NCAA Tournament has arrived!  For the next few weeks, the sports world will be dominated with stories of upsets and victories... all leading up to the championship game in Indianapolis! 

It's so much fun to fill out a bracket and follow along as the tournament unfolds.

And this year... you can play for a great cause and a wonderful family - the Nagels!

As a fundraiser to help M&M take care of some of their enormous legal fees, I (Kelly Warren) am putting together the WavyBel Ballers Group on CBS Sports online. 

For a mere $10, you can play to win for WavyBel!

ALL money donated to "play" in the WavyBel Ballers group will be donated to M&M... with the exception of the winner.

The winner will receive a cash prize ranging from $50 - $100 (depending on the number of "players")!

I Want to Play!  How do I do it?

It's super EASY!  All you have to do is send me (Kelly) your email address and I'll sign you up. Click here to email me!  CBS will send you email updates on your standing within the group.

How do I make my $10 payment?
You can either give/mail me cash or a check in the amount of $10.  Ordinarily, the money would be due before the tournament starts, but in this case, I'm going to say that money is due by March 25th (the day the Sweet 16 games start).  If I have not received your money by that date, you will not be eligible to win.

IMPORTANT:  Deadline to be Included!
If you want to play in the WavyBel Ballers group, please let me know by 10 am on Tuesday, March 15th so that I have time to get you in the bracket.  No exceptions, please.

CONTACT ME: 

Kelly Warren

kellycwarren@gmail.com

Please pass this opportunity/information on to your family, friends, and anyone who would enjoy helping the Nagel's while enjoying the excitement of the tournament!

Enjoy the Tournament

and

Go Cats! 

lately

right now i'm listening to one of my favorite sounds. rain. it is so soothing... and so much more enjoyable when it isn't freezing on its way down.

i've been wearing flip flops for the past three days. they are liberating. yesterday i went to get a pedicure and made the mistake of not driving the 12 extra minutes to the place i really like in stanley. oh well, they are still in better shape then they were before i went in.

i've been going to the doctor. i had my annual "womanly" appointment with my favorite provider. she has moved from a women's only practice into a more diverse family care center and she is now a nurse practitioner in addition to being a certified nurse midwife... that means she can take over my primary care in addition to all the fun female stuff. this makes me very happy. she's got me doing all kinds of tests and labs to make sure my body is in good working order so that when stephen and i are ready to start trying for babies, we'll hopefully be aware of any potential issues with my health.

i've been going to more doctors... last summer and into the fall when i was walking in the mornings my right foot became increasingly sore... i saw my primary doctor (at the time) and she diagnosed me with morton's neuroma... it never quite made sense to me but i responded to the treatment (multiple cortisone shots), at least temporarily. even without exercise, the pain has been worsening and i've been sporting a full on limp for the past two months. i finally went to a podiatrist a couple of weeks ago and again this past week. he has determined i have more of a joint/tendon issue going on. i was irritated when he told me he would give me something for the pain and he came back with a script for a steroid pack which i've take countless times for allergic reactions, hives, and asthma... he was right though, after the first or second dose as the inflammation decreased, so did the pain. i'm also going to be fitted for custom orthodics, hopefully soon, so i can my butt moving. i miss walking! between the pain and the post wedding laziness and winter, i've been pretty still.

i've been spending time with old friends. i'm in my 30th year and i'm loving all of the friendships i've been blessed with. my very first friend who lived across the street from me when i was two years old moved back to the kc area about a year or so ago... every few months we get together for dinner and talk and laugh and remember when... and we also talk about the future. relationships and connections with people never cease to amaze me. i have solid, quality friendships with a number of females. i wasn't very good at girl friends for a long time, probably due in part to my own insecurities... but now i'm surrounded by strong women who support me in every way and i do the same in return.

i've been working... a lot! due to some staffing changes at my place of employment, my caseload has temporarily grown by about 30 people leaving me with about 100 or so clients to keep track of. the person who these clients were working with prior to me wasn't the most reliable. needless to say, a lot of clean up has been necessary. i've been bringing work home with me for a month and am happy to say things are finally winding down a little.

i've been searching... trying to figure out what it is i want to do. there is no question i am ready for change. i'm just still trying to put together a picture of what that change will look like.

i've been obsessing over pad thai. lately i have had a taste for it and i can't stop eating it. it is really becoming a problem... but a very delicious problem indeed.

i've been reading your blogs. and i've been reminding myself that it is good to live in a world where we can keep up with each other. though many of you post much more interesting things than me, some of you seem to ramble just as surely as i do... i love that.

sadness.

i posted recently about one of my best friends and her fight for her daughter. you can read it here. sadly, yesterday they got news that the birth father has appealed to the kansas supreme court. now it is back to more waiting. in molly's own words,

"We are mostly sad because there was such a clear view of finish line at the end of the process and now we are back into it for at least a little while longer.  We hadn't really settled into winning the last appeal because as long as someone is trying to take your daughter you will not relax.  We had just hoped this would be it.  Wavybel turns two in June and I so badly want to be finished by then.  Now I don't know if that is possible or not. "

please keep my friends in your thoughts and prayers as they continue on this very difficult journey.

hey, i'm in a book club

i love reading but i'm terrible about taking time out to get lost in a book.

about 5 years ago i was in a book club. a book club that rarely read books. it was always more of a social outing, and that was fun, but eventually the girls talked about husbands and babies and things i couldn't relate to.  it was still fun, but i was on the outside of things, and it became less appealing. i'm not sure when it happened, but our "book" club sort of fell apart. 

when i was in college, both at k-state and at baker, i was forced to read.  i was given the opportunity to discuss the books we read, write papers about them, search for literary meanings, etc. somehow, i love this sort of thing.

my friends kelly and julie approached me recently about forming a book club and we just finished up our first book. it was "the help" by kathryn stockett. i highly recommend you pick this one up. it tells the story of three amazing women and the change they brought to their town during an impossible time. 

i had trouble getting started when i first picked it up a few weeks ago, and i ended up reading all 445 pages or so in 2 days. once i got started, i couldn't put it down. 

our book club met to discuss "the help" last thursday. i was anxious about our first meeting, not feeling particularly social, and not knowing what to expect. i was pleasantly surprised. three of the girls are new to me completely, and it was easy to fall into conversation with them. the other girls are all connected to some stage of my life. 

we all loved the book. and i love our book club. 

adam.

finding my way back to blogging is proving a bit challenging. i don't know if the problem is that i have nothing to say or if my life just isn't very interesting. either way, i'm trying to keep the posts fairly regular until this starts to feel natural again and i don't have to think so hard about what to write.

tonight i just want to share briefly about a movie i just finished watching and highly recommend checking out. it is called adam.  i saw a trailer for it last summer and received it in the mail from netflix weeks ago.  i wish it hadn't taken me so long to watch.

in short, it is about an average girl falling for a boy who has asperger's syndrome. i don't really want to give anything else away. it was a perfect little film with great acting and just the right soundtrack.

it has been too long since i curled up by myself on the couch with a good movie that made me think and laugh and cry and want to share about it immediately after finishing. go check it out.

rip.

for anyone interested....we finally captured mcgruber. it has been nearly a week since the little guy left us and there are no signs that he had any friends or family around. we are happy to be mcgruber free.

happy birthday, addy!

today is the birthday of my oldest niece, adelynn. i was at the hospital when she was born and was able to meet her when she was just a few minutes old. today she turned 9. she is this little elementary school super star....not a little baby...or a little toddler.

here is one of my favorites of her from when she was just my little addy.

may 2006

confessions of a super mouse.

i'm already feeling a little weird about the content on this blog.  i need to apologize for all of the mentions of mcgruber.  you would understand though if you were here, with us in our house... and if you could see the skills that he has.

we have tried hard to rid the house of any potential food sources but he just keeps finding his way to the few things we've not put in tupper ware.  did you know, by the way, that mice just eat right through ziplock bags? i didn't.

anyway...i just wanted to share a few of the items that he has feasted on which i am sure has led to his impressive inability to be captured. so, in no particular order....

• fiber one poptarts
• doggy dental chews
• homemade wheat bread
• rhodie's "rejuvenate" tablets (for her arthritis) 

i highly encourage you to mcgruber proof any of these items if they are in your home.  

the fight for wavy.

yesterday i got one of the most anticipated and most wonderful phone calls i have ever had.  it was one of my very best friends, molly, telling me that she and her family had won their appeal and that they would continue to parent their beautiful baby girl.

wavy was born in june 2008 and has been with matt, molly and her sister harper since that time. 2 months after coming home from the hospital, the adoption was contested by the birth father. there was a grueling legal battle, during which the birth father proved what was already suspected -- that he was unfit to parent.

the problem was that the best interest of the child wasn't a factor in this type of case and my friends were repeatedly told that the outcome looked bleak for them... but, after many months and several court dates, my dear friends won their case last march, against all odds. god is good.

unfortunately, the birth father appealed, making an already devastating legal nightmare even more unbearable. during this time, wavy continued to grow and my friends continued to be amazing parents to her and her sister.    life went on... and they had faith...and they tried their best not to give way to fear that their daughter would be taken from them.

the appeal date was set after months of waiting and the hearing took place this past november.  from then on, every friday has been met with a mixture of anxiety and hope- friday is decision day. after weeks and weeks, the ruling finally came.

wavy will stay where she belongs. where god obviously placed her.  with a family that was designed for her. with all of the hopes and possibilities and dreams that she deserves. i have never cried so joyously --- not even the first time they won!

i really believe it is over...and their lives are just beginning. i am so blessed to be a part of their incredible lives.

i haven't gotten to wrap my arms around them yet, which is sad considering they live right around the corner.... but i will. and i can't wait, even though i know it will just start the waterworks all over again.

here is a recent picture of wavy that i stole from their blog...without their permission..hope they don't mind!

mcgruber.

i hate to admit this...but we have a mouse in our house. i don't know where he came from. i don't know if he'll ever leave. but, he is one smart little guy, that's for damn sure.

stephen and i have traps around every corner. poison, sticky traps, snappy traps...he gets around them all. i'm half convinced that rhodie and dr. mookie are helping him survive. i believe they are feeding him pellets of dog food and giving him a heads up about the traps. what other explanation could there be?

last night i was telling my friend christie how he eludes our traps. maybe it was our over indulgence in idaho nachos and big beer, but we were a bit loopy. we named the mouse mcgruber and brainstormed clever ways to capture the little bastard. so far, no luck.

i will gladly take your suggestions on how capture this mighty mouse. the idea on the table now is courtesy of my father... sitting with a rifle and waiting for mcgruber to show his face.

please don't make me do that.

growing up.

for more than a decade, i have been experiencing waves of friends getting married, having babies, travelling the world, and changing lives.  for a long time, i felt left in the dust.  despite my own travels and being surrounded by people who i loved deeply and who loved me just as much, it took a bit for me to identify the one and enter into a real adult relationship.

one of my closest friends, justin w., shared a similar fate.  he just couldn't seem to get it right.  he did incredible things, he traveled to far away places, and he impacted everyone he encountered but he didn't have a lot of luck with girls.  until he met autumn....

justin is one of the most genuine people who i have ever had the privilege of knowing. we don't always see eye to eye on things and he isn't the one i typically run to when i need advice, though for years he mailed me unwanted self-help books. he is loyal and real and fairly constant and i know that he will always be a part of my life.

last weekend, stephen and i road tripped to texas to watch him marry his other half.  i'm so glad i finally met autumn and saw for myself how happy they are together.  it was fun to celebrate with them and i  also loved getting to reunite with other old friends!

congratulations justin and autum. i love you guys very much and i am having visions of joint family vacations in the future. thank you for allowing me and stephen to be a part of your very special celebration.

justin, we are really growing up.

in the kitchen.

one of my resolutions for 2010 is to eat out less and cook more at home... especially since we just got so much new stuff for the kitchen as wedding and shower gifts.  so far i'm off to a rocky start but i'm blaming it on the unusually cold weather we've been having in kansas... it has either stranded me at home and prevented me from getting to the store or zapped me of all my energy. it is warming up.... it was a whopping 30 degrees today... i'll be on my way to cooking again soon. one thing we have been doing is using our new bread maker. it is insanely easy to make a delicious loaf of bread. i can't wait to try our more recipes.  here are a couple of pictures from the honey wheat loaf stephen and i made last weekend.